Being a Dom - Valkris

Being a Dom…

A self look and understanding

What type of Dom am I?

I can be a Daddy Dom, exhibiting caregiving tendencies, offering a Little the fatherly figure they need.
- This is a DDLG dynamic with enforced rules.
I can be a Sadist Dom, enjoying the pain I inflict on a masochist. Are you her or not to offend, are you a pain slut? Can I humiliate or degrade you, does that turn you on
- Slave training is possible.
I am a Master Dom, I would enjoy slave training, where I can teach you what and how I like things to be done. Allowing you to learn your duties, responsibilities, and my enjoyments.
- At this point you are property.
I could be a Owner Dom, if you don’t mind being my pet.
- You might be wearing a collar, sleeping in a cage, eating out of a bowl on the floor and walking or crawling on all fours.
I can be Caregive/Romantic Dom, I do enjoy nurturing someone, helping them achieve then goals, making choices for her when needed. (how she dresses, what she eats).
- This might be what to wear and eat.
I can be a Financial Dom, controlling your money, income, assets.
- This would not mean that I take and spend your money as mine, as much as it means I ensure that your future is financially secured.
I not the Rigger Dom, I’m not that artist; not that I don’t admire the sight of a submissive tied up and restrained.

Core Principles

CCCC – Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution
SSC BDSM philosophy – Safe, Sane and Consensual
RACK BDSM philosophy – Risk Aware Consensual Kink
PRICK – Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink

What I want as a Dom?

I’ll figure that out over time, but for now, know I am the dominant, and we will figure it out from there.

The Psychology of Submission

A choice of compliance with or surrender to the requests, demands, or will of others.
Submission is living in such a way that prioritizes the needs of the other before yourself
The Needs of the Many Outweigh the Needs of the Few

Overcoming Insecurities

Allow me to cultivate an environment of trust, I don’t “slut shame”. You are allowed to have sexual desires, and kinks.
I will give you permission to expose this part of yourself, and I will not shame you for it. I honor you for speaking your truth.
I want you to become comfortable with your sexuality.
I will leave you better than I found you.

Owning My Power

I wanted the power, now I need to own it. Joys of being “in charge”.
I don’t want to be someone ‘boss’ or anything, but…
Something to understand, the submissive wants to be helpful. I am holding her back, she wants to serve her Dom, and do a good job..
No, I did not take advantage of her, nor was it abusive. We agreed this is what we enjoy, get off on, want.
I understand that there might be a power in balance, but that is where “we” are. One of us did not want much (if any) power, the other wanted most (or all) of the power in the relationship.

Mental Traits Needed

Curious – I like to know what makes someone tick, and am curious about non-judgmental open minded kink friendly sex and sexuality.
Kind – I am respectful, caring, and kind; trying to bring out the best in others. I an not nasty, vindictive or manipulative. I might punish or discipline as needed, but it’s your welfare front of mind.
Consistent – I don’t change the rules day to day. I behavior from day to day is uniform, the same and simple. Things in my life follow logical rules with logical decisions. I am not high-strong, reckless or inconsistent.
Decisive – I make rational and logical decisions based on the information given, understood and/or researched. I plan ahead and am a strategist.
Orders Focused – Your happiness to my goal. You will not choose to continue your submission and consent if you are not happy. It is my job to ensure that you are and continue to be.

Communication Skills

Honesty – I can be too honest, but’s sometimes “the truth hurts”.
- I can accept something say something uncomfortable about me, I will not over react. I will take a deep breathe allow it to pass, and list.
Check-Ins – This will be “equal time”, this is time when two consenting adult humans having a honest and open conversation about the relationship and it’s status.
- This will be a ‘regular’ event, hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly or whatever we agree to where you can “speak truth to power”.
Listening – I will listen, I want you to feel you have been heard. I may not agree logically, but I will all you to be heard and try to understand the underlying message(s).
Avoiding Judgement – I will not be judgmental. What you want, what you like, what you enjoy, what you do, what you did. Not of that do I have a negative judgement about when it comes to you and your sexual nature.

Body Language

Walk the Walk – Walk up straight, own the space around.
Eye Contact – I will look into your eyes, I want to hold your gaze with the warmth and kindness seen in my eyes and a smile on my face.
- I want you to feel conformable and safe (, even if my intentions are ‘creepy’, lol).
Minimize Movements – I can have some nervous energy or unconscious movements.
- That said, I do try not to fidget and remain clam, cool and collective.

My Voice

Volume – I am not going to yell or shout at you. I will speak in a normal calm voice.
Rate of speech – While at times (ie: telling a story) I may speak quickly trying to get out as much information as possible as quickly as possible; in general I will speak to you slowly, directly, and deliberately.
Silence and pauses – I may pause, I may have silence, it’s for effect. It does not mean I am done talking, it only means I wanted a breath, and a moment to allow something to sink in.
Variance – I am not monotone, you will hear context in my voice and speech with emphasis on specific works.
- It means something, pay attention, and we will have good communications.

Sex God

Yes, there will be sex, and if all goes will it will have a sexual BDSM component. This will include some of the following and more…
- Physical Dominance
  - Fucked – Not love.
  - Long lasting, hours.
  - Many paces and positions.
  - “used and abused”.
  - Up against the wall or pinned down or tied up.
  - Spanked, hair pulled, nipples pinched.
  - Throat grabbed, held down, chained, cuffed.
  - Toys used on.
- Mental Dominance
  - I will Do, not ask.
  - Focus on her, instructing her, talking dirty.
  - Collar and/or leash – albeit thick leather or metal, something for just around the house, or full time. It could be something that represents your submission (my ownership) or it could be something permanent.
All of this is at your willingness to trust and feel comfortable, relaxes and turned on mentally by me and where we are.

What do Doms actually do?

Provide a safe place for you, this will include
- A Sex Menu
- Rules
- Spankings / Restraints
- Chores
- Training
- Choice of clothing (or not)

Things I’ll avoid or NOT do

Raising my voice.
Perfection
Seriousness
Doing it all (everything aspect of BDSM)
Force something to do something they don’t want
Not own my own errors
Demand submission (too soon).
Poor Communications, or failure to explain what I want.
Being domineering over dominant.

Level of Submission – This is something we will talk about and agree to. It this in the bedroom only, or when in the house, or is this something more like a 24/7. That is the level of the submission you want and I wish for? I will not expect more then you are willing to give.

Take stock. Are you actually a good Dom?

I regularly think about where I am and take stock in myself, working on regular honest self-audits of myself and my actions towards others. I then work on improving one specific issues or actions I see needs attention.
Just because you are not into it, does not mean I am bad at it.

Concluding how to be a good dom

Listen, Hear, Understand, Comprise, and work with.
While I may not have all “shit together” in all aspects of my life, I do try and continue to endeavor to succeed at that

Answers to

https://kinkyevents.co.uk/how-to-be-a-dom-a-complete-guide/