I tried to reach you all day Thursday to no avail. I tried again Friday morning… The stress! Not hearing from you, not knowing your status on going with me to the concert.
Frustrating beyond belief. The selfishness on your end… not caring, not worrying. “Just living life in the moment”… well friend others don’t. Others make plans and have lives. They do things and go places…
You sat around here all day (8a-3p) doing basically nothing, but talking about how you are going to find some rich investor to finance your “van life”. OMG! WTF are you smoking? (And for how many years?) Grow up.
Go be that “cam-girl” who shows nothing, only teases and who supposedly makes so much money at it.
And your departure today, while friendly, kind and nice… the idea that you are off to the bar to score some mushrooms and hit on some (other) (old) guy.
On a side note, loved the left over hicky on your neck. Maybe the guy from late time you spent time here and went to the bar that night (April 9, last week). OMG! WTF was I ever thinking?
Yes, you were good for the concert, you paid for dinner, and got wine later that night. All very nice and kind… so I am not saying anything there… but it’s almost odd, strange to me.
Thank you for the 2 hamburgers today, again very kind… but you could have done the dishes.
I do think it’s funny how you never came over to see the things I asked you to look at on my laptop. But I get it, the self-centered selfish little girl sees nothing else in the world as interesting or important other then what she wants to do and see and say. How fucking sad it is to be your “friend”.
Maybe this is the price of having so many “friends who care about you”, that you forgot to “care” about what they want.
I can not believe that I’ve wasted the past 24!to 36 hours in your world… it’s all but meaningless. Not you, but the view you have of me, my time, my needs.
I asked for help today, I am screwed in life, 30 days from now I’ll be nothing but some low life with tons of problems on the verge of being evicted from not just of office but also from the house I rent. And while not your problem… you did not seem too worried and even less interested in help.
You stated we do not work well together. I would say you do not work, and anyone trying to get you to, you resist.
You said something about a friend who helped you last month with your tooth. You spoke of another friend who helped you with your van ($500 for the shifter). You spoke about how bad you are with money, and I noted how much better off you would be not spending it all on Vodka. To that you said “cheers” and took a drink. You said something about needing / wanting $1,000 to pay off “some debts” (assumably the friends noted above), but said nothing about paying me off… Heck you did not even ask what you owed, nor did you offer to pay for anything current… or inquire if there was even current stuff. Yes the phone does work, so you know it’s covered. But you did not know or ask about the insurance. To which you did say something about your van’s registration. You spoke of the possibility of needed a tow, but did not think to inquire about the AAA. So selfish, so self-centered, so self-absorbed.
Why? Why would I continue dealing with you? I am done, I need to move forward and not let you drag me down. I have shit to sell and crap to market. I need to fix myself and find someone else.
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You spoke about your miscarriage, and how you sometimes think about what your life would have been married with a six year old. And while I jokingly offered to help make that happen, we moved forward a little. I don’t know if you realize (yet) that it was you, your alcohol (& drug/weed) problem that most likely cases the miscarriage. But I did see this as a step forward in you admitting to yourself the things that could have been different. I just don’t know if you know you are the one who needs to choose that different life, make those different decisions. So sad.